


Friendship Goals

by Lightningreturns



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6861691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightningreturns/pseuds/Lightningreturns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting before the first book. I wanted a scene where Ronan and Gansey both finally confront Adam about his bruises for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

The bruising on Adam’s left eye screamed at him from across the room. He couldn’t not see it; his rage an itch that he couldn’t help but scratch, and now it was spreading and burning under his skin. Adam was pointedly not making eye contact with any of them, but he knew that Adam was aware of his glare on him. He knew it by the tense set of his shoulders, the impossible stillness of how he held himself, like a cornered animal waiting for the hunter to strike. Ronan had never been able to stop Adam from seeing him that way. Ronan supposed it was partly his own doing, having made himself look deliberately intimidating, but it was also a part of Adam, who had been ingrained to feel threatened by everything. Even Gansey. Charming, irresistible, unstoppable Gansey, was a threat through Adam’s eyes. Except Ronan also knew Gansey wasn’t going to let this go. He wouldn’t just play along with pretending Adam was invisible, which was what Adam wanted him to do. Ronan was both appalled and proud of him for it. He knew that Gansey was not stupid enough to be completely oblivious to the warning signs coming off of Adam. The signs that said ‘Leave it alone. Leave me alone’. Gansey had approached this subject before, only to have Adam lash out at him for it. No, Ronan knew Gansey. He knew how determined, how positive he was. It was the Gansey family way after all. Gansey truly believed that he could succeed at anything he tried his hand at, if only he persevered. Ronan supposed in a world like Ganseys where merely wanting something enough made it so, this was a logical conclusion to make. Ronan knew Gansey wanted Adam to be safe, which was why Gansey didn’t just leave it alone.

  
“Christ Adam, your face” Ronan watched silently from the armchair as Gansey stood near the doorway to Monmouth. Adam’s lithe frame stood a few steps in front of the door. They had been expecting Adam to show up today to help in the search for Glendower, and as soon as Gansey opened the door to reveal Adam’s purpled face Ronan could see the scene that would now unfold before him. He knew that Adam would pretend it was something else. He knew that Gansey wouldn’t let it rest. He knew they would fight. Ronan wanted Adam to be safe too, but he wasn’t Gansey. He lived in a world where he knew that wanting wasn’t nearly enough. Sometimes it didn’t matter how much you wanted something, it didn’t make it true. He wanted to tell Adam so many things, but he had never found a way to say them without making him angry. He was also wise enough to know that if Gansey couldn’t do something, he had no chance.

  
Adam kept his eyes trained on the floor, motionless. “Who did this to you?”

  
It took everything within Ronan not to scoff at this question. They all knew who had done it. It was ‘he who must not be named’; The elephant in the room. Gansey had introduced Ronan to Adam about seven weeks ago now, and he had heard more than enough excuses and coincidences to last a life time. “I had an accident at work”, “I got into a fight”, “I fell off my bike” or, Ronan’s personal favourite “I don’t remember” to deduce that his dad was beating the shit out of him. That, coupled with the anxious way Adam eyed the clock when he nearly needed to head home, or that home was a place that he only went to out of necessity, and always, always alone. The way he would fight back the urge to flinch when someone patted his back at school. Hoping nobody noticed his long sleeves in the stifling Virginia heat. The way he made himself so small, so invisible whenever him and Declan started fighting – which was often. Gansey had tried to have this conversation before, using the good cop approach “You know you can talk to me about anything Adam. I’m your friend” and Adam had nodded along and said all the right things until Gansey had let it go. Ronan had tried the bad cop approach “Did you fall into the ground eye first?” “Doesn’t look like an accident to me” “You got into a fight? Show me how you throw a punch then” but Adam had scowled at him and stormed off, claiming he had to be somewhere. Every. Damn. Time.

  
Adam just shrugged, “We should go” he mumbled into the floor.

  
“No, Adam, we’re not going anywhere until we sort this out”

  
“Sort what out? There’s nothing wrong with me. I had an accident at the garage and…”

  
“Adam, we want to help you” Gansey had adopted his Richard Gansey voice; his no nonsense, not to be messed with voice. Ronan hated it, and by the looks of things, so did Adam.

  
Adam smirked at that, in a harsh, unkind way

  
“I don’t need your help. I’m fine. Do you want to go out today or not?” His words were rigid and tense, like his body.

  
Ronan could see Gansey tapping away at Adam’s patience, but he could also see the garish blue of Adam’s face. He didn’t know what to do.

  
Gansey shifted his weight from one foot to the other, considering his next move

  
“Just tell me the truth” he pleaded, his voice low, intimate.

  
Adam glanced up quickly at him and then away, his fingers clutching his arms tightly where he held himself “There’s nothing to tell”

  
Ronan could see Gansey deflating, giving in. Not giving up, for Gansey’s never gave up. But he knew that he was going to bide his time. Wait it out. Consider his possible options. A true politician’s son.

  
Ronan wasn’t Gansey. He couldn’t get rid of the frustration that bubbled up inside of him. He didn’t like liars.

  
“Jesus Parrish, we know it’s your dad” He heard the words after he had already said them. There was a moment where nobody breathed. “Ronan” Gansey reprimanded, his face ashen. Adam’s ears flushed a brilliant red, his eyes seemed to glaze over, and Adam seemed to retreat somewhere far away. Ronan wanted to whisper into his ear and bring him back, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch him. All he could do was rise from the armchair to stand beside Gansey. Then a full minute passed where Adam could have denied it. But he didn’t. They stood in a circle by the door. Silent.

  
After a few moments, he continued “Fuck Glendower. Come up on the roof and I’ll show you how to fight back”

  
“No. Thank you” came Adam’s steely, overly polite reply. His lips drawn into a thin line.

  
“Adam” Gansey spoke up quietly, hesitantly. “You don’t have to stay there at all. You don’t have to fight him. We can go and get your stuff and you can move in here”

 

“No. Thank you” Adam repeated. His body trembled.

  
“Adam there’s loads of room. You’re over here all the time anyway.” Gansey began

  
“I can’t afford it Gansey” Adam replied. Ronan could tell it took everything in him to keep his voice steady.

  
“You wouldn’t have to pay anything Adam” Gansey, naively, stupidly, thoughtlessly began. Ronan sucked in a breath, ready for the cornered animal inside Adam to lash out. Adam’s eyes shot up, angry and bright – defiant. His voice seethed. He wasn’t angry anymore. He was furious.

  
“I’m not your personal charity project Gansey” Adam sneered at him.

  
“No, that’s not it” Gansey stuttered

  
“What isn’t? The trailer trash, scholarship kid living under your roof rent free? What? You think I can’t look after myself?”

  
“What? No, Adam, that’s not it”

  
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what this is."

  
Gansey held his hands up in surrender, unsure what to do “Adam, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. This isn’t about charity. You’re my friend. I just want to help you.” Ganseys voice pleaded.

  
“I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need your help” Adam was shouting now, his face flushed and body pumped with adrenaline.

  
Gansey stared at him then, his eyes looked hurt.

  
Adam stared back, his eyes looked vacant. Anger owned him, not Gansey. There was a brief silence where none of them knew what to say to each other.

  
“I have to go to work” Adam said finally, spinning on his heels to leave

  
“You only just got here, I thought we were going to look for Glendower” Gansey replied faintly, watching as Adam opened the door to leave.

  
“Not today” He called back, without pausing. He stomped off down the stairs and away as Gansey and Ronan watched him leave.

  
Ronan scowled at the door, his hands bunched into fists. He heard Gansey sigh wearily next to him.


	2. 2

“Ronan, would it really kill you that much to just think about somebody else for once?” Gansey nagged at him, exasperated. They were both still staring at the front door to Monmouth, which Adam had just slammed in their face. Ronan wanted to tell Gansey that it was thinking about Adam that had gotten him so angry in the first place. That it was thinking about Adam that had made him unable to keep quiet. He wanted to tell Gansey that sometimes thinking about Adam kept him up at night, and that he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about any of that. But he couldn’t tell Gansey any of that. He couldn’t tell Gansey that he was only trying to help in a way that Gansey wouldn’t take as sarcasm, even if it was the truth. So he shrugged his shoulders instead. “Whatever man. You going after him or what?” His tone sounded spiteful, and it was. He was still angry about Adam’s bruise, about how much he cared about Adam’s bruise.

Gansey gaped at him “Oh, you have got to be kidding me?”

Ronan suddenly felt his stomach drop. Was he that transparent?

“You are not seriously jealous right now? Is that what that preposterous display was? I knew you didn’t like him being a part of this but I didn’t realise you would be so childish about it. He’s being _abused_ Ronan! Does that not bother you?”

Ronan felt a swell of relief flood through his body. Gansey couldn’t see through him after all. In fact, Gansey barely saw him at all. He’d built his armour of hostility so well, even Gansey thought it was really him sometimes.

He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t argue, because that would lead to a whole other conversation where Gansey made him tell the truth, and he wasn’t sure what that was. He didn’t know why he’d gotten so angry, but he knew it wasn’t jealousy. And he couldn’t make something up, because even if he didn’t tell the truth explicitly, he didn’t lie either.

It was Richard Gansey’s voice that filtered back into his brain, his arms still waving frantically at Ronan. “So yes, Ronan. I don’t care if it bothers you, I’m going to go find him and when I do, I’m bringing him back here, and I’m going to convince him to come and stay here, with us!” He commanded, grabbing his car keys and heading out the door. He turned to face Ronan again as he left “And when we come back. Yes, we. That’s Adam and I, all three of us are going to get along and you’re going to get used to it. Are we clear, Ronan?” It was a rhetorical question, because Gansey always got his own way, eventually.

“What about Noah?” Ronan asked, because he couldn’t find it in himself to be as amiable as to agree. Not when Gansey was using his Richard Gansey voice on him.

Gansey sighed, realising he’d won, even if he didn’t realise they hadn’t been arguing to begin with. “And Noah” he nodded.


	3. 3

Adam didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t go back home, and he couldn’t go back to Monmouth either. He didn’t have work and he couldn’t afford to go anywhere. As he unlocked his bike which he had locked securely by a post outside of Monmouth, he paused to contemplate his next move. He signed, irritated by his own stupidity and awkwardness. Why had he come here looking like this? _I have nowhere else to go._ He knew before he came that Gansey would mention it, so why was he so upset? He wasn’t an idiot. _I’m so stupid._ He knew that they had both figured it out way before now. It wasn’t like they were the first either. All his life teachers, friends, adults, his boss’s, had all started similar conversations with him, and Adam, keeper of secrets and a fast learner, had quickly learnt the correct things to say to make people leave him alone. Usually, people were relieved to hear the stories, the explanations. They could go back to looking through him. _I’m invisible._ He knew how to play this game. _I’m so sick of playing this game._

“Adam” He baulked, awakened by Gansey’s voice behind him. He kept trying to remind himself that it wasn’t Gansey he was angry with. _I don’t know why I’m angry with you._ He began to walk away with his bike, but he didn’t bother to ride off. Gansey didn’t surrender easily, if ever. Still, a slice of fear stopped him from testing Gansey’s limits. _Don’t give up on me._ He didn’t want to think it, but he knew he did.

“Adam” Gansey repeated, jogging to walk beside him “I’m sorry about Ronan, he’s… well… he’s”

_Ronan?_ Adam thought, or maybe Gansey had said it. They looked at each other then. Sometimes it was like Gansey was inside his head.

“An asshole?” Adam offered tetchily, still walking forwards.

Gansey sighed “He means well”

Adam laughed lightly at that. It was such a polite, Gansey thing to say. He didn’t understand why Gansey was friends with Ronan. _I don't understand why Gansey is friends with me._  Gansey stepped in front of him then, eyes pleading. Guilt and shame washed over him in waves, peaking and ebbing under Gansey’s stare. Adam couldn’t look at him, he concentrated on the dirt under his fingernail instead.

“Look, Adam, I’m sorry okay? Please just come back. You don’t have to move in. You don’t have to talk about it. Okay? But please don’t leave” Adam felt something twinge in his chest, he didn’t know why Gansey had bothered to follow him. He didn’t know anybody else who would have. _I don’t deserve a friend like you._ He didn’t know how he was supposed to respond. He’d never been in this situation before. He remembered packing his bag once, back at the trailer, when he was much younger and more spirited than he was now. He’d stood at the door, his leaving speech prepared. He didn’t want to leave, not really. Not back then anyway. He’d just wanted his dad to say or do _something._  To show that he cared for him. He hadn’t even gotten to use his speech in the end, despite the nights he’d lain awake reciting it. His father had taken one look at the backpack in his hand, his chin lifted higher than it needed to be, and had mocked him. Then he had proceeded to listed off all of the times he’d wished he could have ditched Adam years ago, and how he would have then, if he could have. Standing in front of Gansey, he realised that this is what he had wanted. What he still wanted, from his dad. I hate him. _I love him._ The hurt cut through him; sharp and vivid. The memory stuck on repeat. He couldn't stand it. 

“Adam?” Gansey’s voice was soft. Adam nodded jerkily, kicking his foot against his bike to distract himself. It wasn't enough. He silently ran the front wheel of his bike over his foot, pressing down until the pain surged upwards. Only then could he lift his head to meet Gansey's patient gaze.  

Gansey's hand gestured to Monmouth. 


End file.
